I am tired. I want to go back to simpler times.
When we walk home and mom is ready with food. Your troubles are when you have fallen and bruised your knee. The biggest problem you have is the expected test in school tomorrow. You worry that you best friend is moving out of the city. It used to be much simpler when your books got wet in the rain, not that you have to write more, when you would worry of how dad would react cos you reached home late that night, 7.30 instead of 7. You looked forward to running chores for your grandparents who would give you a big hug and maybe a chocolate as a token of appreciation. When your chores were to run and make sure that there wasn’t anything getting overcooked.
What changed with time? We grew up, we complicated things. Gadgets, money, success, fame, love, marriage, all these became obligations rather than just natural behaviour! Cheating, lying, politics, business, chaos, puddles, mud, manholes, storms, tornadoes, climate change, famines, droughts, competition, murder! Economic growth, financial stability, blood sucking mosquitoes, dengue, presidential elections, government servants, rulers, rules, laws, need of the law! Humans, animals, inhuman, evil, satanic, do-gooders, philanthropists, adjectives, verbs, descriptions….
A massive period…! We don’t stop, we crave, we don’t stop, we demand, or we steal, we rob, we cheat, we lie, we scream, we cry, we need, we want, we just do not stop. It is loud in all our heads, but it is not clear, there is a constant shouting, but there is no sense to the noise, it is noise not sound. More chaos, more jumbles, more complications.
We do not want what we have, but we crave what we cannot have. Forbidden? I need it. Out of bounds? I will drag you down if needed for me to get it. Illegal? I must have it.
THIS IS BEYOND GREED, this is beyond normal, this is not what we were planned for, this is not what we are here for… but then why are we here?
WHAT? What is our destination? What is this journey?
WHY? Why do I get a headache when I think so much, am I the tin-man? Are the pins that keep it together about to fall off?
WHERE? Where am I supposed to go? Where am I headed? What is the point of this journey?
HOW? How do I make myself happy? How do I stay sane? How do I make this stop?
I AM TIRED…….