One Day

The silhouette of a warrior woman with storm clouds in the background.One day

I shall bare my soul
It’s dark and cracked.
The cracks are unsealable, letting the light out
The darkness is remarkable, its weight tires me out
I will show you who I am and what makes me
What keeps me alive and what breaks me
A training you may feel, before you take the hike
Where to take shelter, how not to let the lightening strike

I will show you the hits and misses the holes and crevices,
The nooks and corners of me.
What holds me up, what pushes me down,
What part of me I never want to see

Let me shed light on my heart on what makes the pain go away,
To only come back at every stab and where I sink back in and stay.

I will bare you my story for you to know it’s not my last escapade,
Dont want a shoulder just need your words to help me sharpen my blade…

Questions!

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I am tired. I want to go back to simpler times.

When we walk home and mom is ready with food. Your troubles are when you have fallen and bruised your knee. The biggest problem you have is the expected test in school tomorrow. You worry that you best friend is moving out of the city. It used to be much simpler when your books got wet in the rain, not that you have to write more, when you would worry of how dad would react cos you reached home late that night, 7.30 instead of 7. You looked forward to running chores for your grandparents who would give you a big hug and maybe a chocolate as a token of appreciation. When your chores were to run and make sure that there wasn’t anything getting overcooked.

 

What changed with time? We grew up, we complicated things. Gadgets, money, success, fame, love, marriage, all these became obligations rather than just natural behaviour! Cheating, lying, politics, business, chaos, puddles, mud, manholes, storms, tornadoes, climate change, famines, droughts, competition, murder! Economic growth, financial stability, blood sucking mosquitoes, dengue, presidential elections, government servants, rulers, rules, laws, need of the law! Humans, animals, inhuman, evil, satanic, do-gooders, philanthropists, adjectives, verbs, descriptions….

A massive period…! We don’t stop, we crave, we don’t stop, we demand, or we steal, we rob, we cheat, we lie, we scream, we cry, we need, we want, we just do not stop. It is loud in all our heads, but it is not clear, there is a constant shouting, but there is no sense to the noise, it is noise not sound. More chaos, more jumbles, more complications.

 

We do not want what we have, but we crave what we cannot have. Forbidden? I need it. Out of bounds? I will drag you down if needed for me to get it. Illegal? I must have it.

 

THIS IS BEYOND GREED, this is beyond normal, this is not what we were planned for, this is not what we are here for… but then why are we here?

WHAT? What is our destination? What is this journey?

WHY? Why do I get a headache when I think so much, am I the tin-man? Are the pins that keep it together about to fall off?

WHERE? Where am I supposed to go? Where am I headed? What is the point of this journey?

HOW? How do I make myself happy? How do I stay sane? How do I make this stop?

 

I AM TIRED…….

Irony of life is death!

 
At the area of Sukapur, (meaning the “dry village”) Panvel, Navi Mumbai, it rained and poured till it wet the entire area. Irony lay at every step. While the body was at the pyre for its final rites before we humans could really bid good bye to our friend, relative, father and husband, the clouds gave us what we could consider a sign of the heavens crying at his loss from the world or of his reception high above or even his possible grief of being away from his loved ones who now looked upon his presence that was for his entire duration amongst others, better known as his life.  
The son smeared ghee, (unsalted butter) on the face and the body of his dead father’s body to make the cremation easier. A cliched thought crept in my mind at this action, “to make life easy, or to make death easy?” 
As we were leaving and a small prayer was said, the priest wanted to indicate that an able man has left his physical body and his spiritual presence has reached high above. As an instinct I looked up to the cloudy skies and I saw the smoke that was coming out of the chimney as if indicating that the physical was indeed being getting rid off as the symbol for the spiritual being released. 
We live all our lives trying to be someone, be something, achieve, reach a goal, time is spent in smaller duties of a job and a business and worry about the economy of the world, when all is a method of ‘living’ where the definition of the word in its absolute has been lost. What is a fulfilled life? When the ones we loved and the ones who love us are around us in happiness and in sorrow, in sickness as in health. We were born out of the mud and earth and we go back to it. What we leave behind are memories, our legends, our thoughts, our ways of life and precedents that we set for the future of the world to follow and to be mindful of. Let’s not restrict our personalities but really ‘live’ for a better tomorrow for our future generations. Set the right precedents and give the right flow of thought. 
As we walked away from the place of denial of a loss of a human from our lives, we saw the clouds clear and the rain subside. It was time to let the show go on…

The Ticking Time Bomb

Time bomb

We are all living as a part of a live, ticking bomb, we all know we are going blow up one day. What we don’t know is when. This mystery keeps us moving on, drilling, hoping for a tomorrow for a future. We all plan for retirement, a vacation in Hawaii and for the college graduation of our kids. But what are we slowly moving towards? Our own end. But the end is not only of the world or our life or our thoughts and age, there are ends to relationships. Friendships, families, all die out. Death is inevitable. It could be due to distance or misunderstanding or lack of wanting to hold back valued memoirs when pitted against egos, religion, mental ability or physical ability. Greed, selfishness and everything else holds on to what ‘I’ want. ‘I want you to do this, because I said so, because it makes ME happy.’  ‘The world revolves around me.’ Someday we will learn to live for each other, hold on to the thinner than silk fabric first woven from the silkworm, before its tensile strength can be judged by anyone else. Why is it so hard to try and patch things up rather than giving up on them? Why do we value people and their presence in our lives lesser than what we can achieve in our investments? Everyone proudly states that ‘broken china when fixed still has the line where it once broke’. Why don’t we then think of the times when our broken radios when fixed, still gave us the same joy that we could get through its music, before it broke? Why are we hell bent on ridding ourselves of the old and then running amock looking for the new ones to fill this emptiness? When will we stop chasing the unprecedented and the unexpected or rather unplanned, when we have the opportunity to hold on to what we already hold dear and precious to us? Will we never learn?

We all go about in our lives displaying strength and a poker face, finding it demeaning for people to show emotions. Well, we built the machines minus emotions, rather than making them feel, we move on to become the iron man without the heart traveling to Oz, but we are obvious tracing the path backwards. Why, no one knows. We may progress technologically, but the very first principle of being human is being shunned. Maturity is weighed based on your pain threshold. Is it so wrong to break down and feel? Is it so difficult to make things clear, talk things out rather than push it under the carpet and wait till wind blows it back into your face? One day we are all going to sit back and blow apart into pieces when someone cuts the wrong wire and the bomb diffuses ahead of the expiration date and we will be left back with nothing but empty hands, shrapnel and pieces of things we could have worked upon. Pieces of the jigsaw puzzle will no longer fit back and we will find it hard or rather impossible to go back in time to wake our earlier self to grow beyond the materials and value what we have. It is always good to chase the new and the revered. But the question is, at what cost? It is right to throw out the water to fill our glasses with milk, but the question is what bereaves you, hunger or thirst? We are unable to assess our own needs and we end up confusing them with our wants, and we are left abashed at our own situation. But we stand up, dust ourselves off and walk away in dignity, because we are mature and are adults.

Because, “Levanta, sacode a poeira e dá a volta por cima” – Noite Ilustrada

(Get up, shake the dust and give an awesome comeback)

Irony!

Imagine a child, an infant about a few weeks old. The frail hands, frail skin, and the delicate touch we use for them. The nappy changes, cooking their food before we think of our lunch or dinner. The way we bathe them till they smell like fresh flowers, powder their body to keep them dry and to avoid the smell of the unwanted expulsions from their body. We go all gaga over their incomplete and incomprehensible baby talk and hold imaginary conversations, try to understand their monosyllables and spend hours trying to figure out their needs. We even hold imaginary conversations with them! Find every movement adorable. This is exactly how our parents have treated us. However, when our elders do exactly the same we ignore them and avoid our duty, reciprocation and repayment of our debt to them. Justice???? Something evil overcomes us. Selfishness??

Don’t people realise that they are eventually going to grow old someday? Are they that stupid or plain ignorant? We see people abandoning their parents at an old age especially when that is the age that they are the most vulnerable. Just like little kids, newly born. So then why the different treatment? Just because they are older than us, because we have taken it for granted that they are plainly a hindrance in our daily routine. But are they? You will observe fellow passengers in the bus not offering space for them to sit unless they are asked for, and they shamelessly stay even when their eyes try to tell you how tired they are and could do well to sit.

An old couple were doing their grocery shopping even when they are hardly capable to tie their shoe laces. If you happen to look at them, they will smile back at you and discuss the lovely weather they see with the sun shining even if it is biting cold winter. We cry and abuse our fate and life of things that we don’t have but we are never appreciative of what we have.

Life sure is ironic. Pride is absent if it is a self made man, but evident when it is someone living on another person’s expense. The rich are given loans and discounts when they can afford full prices and the poor pay every penny with their hard earned money even when they can’t afford the full prices. The old and weak are left to tend to themselves when they are not in the best of health but had a lot of friends and relatives surrounding them when they were in the pink. What more can they ask for? A few words, a small conversation, a little bit of acknowledgement of their presence in your life and they will never even ask you to take care of them. Nothing special, but if you do something, it will live with them forever.

Irony is the way of life, and it is important to remember that today is your day, seize it and help the unfortunate because you never know what tomorrow would look like…Never expect from life but remember how even if little you have made a difference in someone’s life, and in case if you do grow old, imagine how much importance your goodwill gesture held for them.

On a different note:

In spite of all hardships that you might have fallen through, and frustrations that might have you tired of living, living to grow old with the one you love is the most best feeling you could ask for…

The Pauper’s PARK

For an average, Indian common man (aam-aadmi) what the government does is not necessarily all-scam-no-work-productivity nonsense. But some things do hit you like a hedge-hammer. And the aggression and ‘senselessness’ in you wakes up to form a Raavana of it and you are ready to burn it down. One such Diwali took place in India on account of the Dream Park by Mayawati. At the outset, of such intelligence failures (or not), the common man wakes up and participates in the holy burning of the demon… Following are a few of the dialogues that he/she may blurt out…

It’s really astounding to see a CM spending rather wasting such inordinate sum of public money to come up with a so called “Dalit park”. But, what really exasperates me as an Indian is the audacity of her supporters and so called “educated Dalits” defending and justifying her move on all TV shows & public forums. I honestly wonder if they have actually been benefited from the education they received. How?…how can a right thinking person with a sound mind be proud of anything like this. The CM perhaps should have built a world class Institute and named it after her as she is so bloody self obsessed. If not, may be a hospital or a housing colony which could have benefited so many. It would have not only provided employment opportunities to people from her state but also developed the state. But Mayawati (Dalit ki beti) being a corruption queen and with her parochial and dirty politics couldn’t have actually done any better.

Kancha Ilaiah, he calls himself a Dalit activist and writer.  He is the same man who raised objections to Jan Lokpal Bill. I wonder the capacity of his intellect because his objection was that the bill doesn’t include reservation for Dalits. I seriously wish I could just laugh it off but the seriousness of the issue holds me back. A writer has the capacity to change the cognition of the whole generation but on the contrary instead of taking the mind away from caste and such social ills people like him keep feeding the society with such rigmarole. If they truly want to help the society and their community in particular why not educate them to such high levels of intelligence that people look up to them for who they are. Dr. Ambedkar is a prime example. He did not become what he did by playing dirty politics. He actually did something which is so conspicuous and the whole world recognises it today. Now that is the glory of the man. Not only is he looked up to but is also remembered for what he did for the upliftment of an oppressed community.

By identifying themselves as Dalits, oppressed, and different on every public forum possibly available to them I don’t think they are doing any service to the community. But what they certainly are doing is alienating them from rest of the society. People who do not even want to think on these lines are forced to treat them differently for a simple reason because they identify themselves as different – “A community that has been oppressed for 1000s of years” and with such “in your face” approach they are ensuring hatred for the next 1000s years. By adapting such attitude they are making us hate them.

The justification which is often thrown is that they were oppressed for centuries and now finally they have found a voice. I ask these people now that you have found your voice why do you want to waste it? Just because our forefathers were stupid who did what they did and now you want to match their stupidity. I wonder people like Kancha Ilaiah would have still supported this ₹ 685/- Crore park if he didn’t have his basic needs fulfilled. Would he have still stood his ground and defended “Dalit ki beti”? I guess not, but on second thought – well may be he would have. He sleeps with his stomach full which is why he can afford such audacity but one must ask millions of Dalits who do not even get one meal a day let alone basic needs. Ask them if they really think if this park has empowered them and served them or their families in any manner?

But hey! It’s INDIA, Hindu-Stan or should I say Bharat because you never know who might feel offended. Democracy is THE word and such people are making full use of it.

Long way to go…

Jai Hind!

Life at the end..

I was passing by an old cemetery, close to a church, and the sight you see there is the biggest Irony of nature. Along all the graveyards, there are blades of grass, heavily growing strong tree trunks, filled with green and plush spring wedding flowers in pink and white. Little yellow Dandelion flowers, bright daffodils, blue bells, Bougainvillea, hyacinths on and around the graves… It’s like an indication of a ‘beginning after the end’, of life after death. You see vigorously growing Life around death. The dull Greys and blacks are overcome with bright cheerful colours. Every time we feel it’s the end, it is probably just a step towards the next phase, a new beginning, from being something dull to a brighter tomorrow.

Ever seen trees cut down at its trunks? The tree dies but you will see tiny leaves growing out of it… What motivates it to still live beyond its untimely death? Where does it get the will power and why the insistence to live on? I guess Life just goes on!!