The Country of Idiotic Revolutions

Hot blood has obviously brought about sweaty repercussions!!

DISCLAIMER: 

So I noticed this post was lying in the drafts of my blogs from 80 Days ago. I thought at first maybe I missed uploading and posting something. But I remember my hesitation to be my lack of confidence on the current system which might drag me to the police station or atleast certain threats might follow thrust outburst. So I got it read form a few people before I could decide on its legitimacy to go on the World Wide Web. But I was still unsure of the repurcusion a and let it stay hidden. 

Since this “revolution” had sort of quietened down(?) I think I may be able to squeeze this through and still live to tell my tale. India and this new found “Intolerance” I tell you. 😑😒 but that would be a new post altogether

What we want is secularism at the expense of sectioning it. To be named a particular type of section of society would be a prejudice to people and their rights. Today we get to see people trying to get “typecasted” in order to mark opportunities. The word minority has lost its true meaning so we find the sect of people separating themselves no longer on the basis of their birth family’s age old occupation, however on the basis of their surname. They may occupy a majority of the population or be the most widely spread community worldwide, it doesn’t matter. A 22 year old uses that as his strategy to being about “power” in his words. Instead of rejecting his imbecile behaviour and discouraging his mentors from training him incorrectly, we observe well educated knowledgeable morons trying to build and strengthen his position by following in his bottomless out of idiosyncrasy.

However let me point out that I realise I am making a minor assumption. Knowledge, education and common sense has never been a part of the same menu or as a consequence of the other. As I remember recalling a discussion with a PhD aspirant, “India has reached a stage where education is not a means to enlightenment and knowledge any more. It is a method to grow higher in your ‘career’. Whether you understand a concept and its logic behind it, is pretty irrelevant. It is merely the paper degree that we look forward for so that we can earn a better salary.” I do not need any more incidents to back this statement of mine. Although there are exceptions we are always prone to slightly tilt towards the rule when making general statements and this was one such statement.
We are an ignorant bunch of idiots. We only understand inner agendas and political plots in the TV soaps that we watch and the ones among a mother and wife of a man at home. The highest we can reach is when we go up to the sickening and unhealthy competition among colleagues vying to grow higher by pulling others down rather than on self merit. The blame of a bad democracy is not on the politicians who ‘rule’ us, but the idiots amongst us who believe in their stupidity. What are the qualities we desire in our leaders??!? Confidence and a loud ruckus. It is a fake drum roll by an idiot who is being used as a pawn by someone higher hidden behind the wings of the stage of the show. Democracy is now the right of the politician and the political parties. We are mere idiots unable to understand what we want. We are the blind mice from the Pied Piper’s story, following the sound faked as a melody. How different is our fate than of those rats about to jump into the water???

Dear Mr. Prime Minister

Namo Namaay

Respected Mr. Prime Minister,

Welcome to our country, welcome to the chair, welcome to everything that is unfair! Although, this may be one of the most prestigious positions, I am sure you are warned about the dirt and dust, the puddles, keechad, poisonous snakes ready to pull you down!

Whatever may be the reason that has helped luck favor your side, the need for change, the lack of trust in the other parties, too many scams or just pure hope from the general public, do remember that we have pushed in a lot of hopes in your basket… We have seen your rallies, your posters, your promises, heard your talks, now is the time for action. I am aware that your acceptance was no easy task, you had to face allegations, rumours, the past brought back to you, but you have conquered them all! The past few months have not been the ‘honeymoon’ periods like many other leaders get, yes I read that statement in your interview after your 100 days of ‘rule’. You are buzzing in the media with your trips and meetings with various international leaders.. great… I as a citizen of India do not regret it. Do what you wish to if you think it is needed in the long run for your reign and growth of the country. But a word of advice, our country is leaking with leeches and hyenas, unfortunately waiting to jump upon you to bring you down, to point fingers at you, to malign your image. Be wary of them, stay sharper.

Today as we see your presence in the media, I wish to look forward to a brighter tomorrow for India, you are the hope for us all. GDP growth, lesser farmer suicides, employment growth, lesser corruption; You are the one to make it happen, you are the one who is the beacon of light, holding the staff for us, the messiah to free us from the rot and the impending death of our democracy.

I know this is a ‘chhota muh badi baat’ letter but I believe you need to be aware of the sort of hope you are for us, I am sure you are aware of the pressure you are under, even more than what Sachin felt before he got his 100th century, I know this is very less time for you to prove your worth for every vote that came up to you. But don’t let us only look at the packaging of your substance in the media, let us see the fruits of your bearing, fruits of your hard work and planning, don’t let us in your shadow, the umbra of your light, do not cheat us! This time the rage of the youth has grown beyond the strength of the tsunami, and this storm is only waiting for the smallest of blows. Then no one will trust anyone else. Not only will it hamper the future of democracy, it will hurt the sentiments in those hopeful eyes of the people who almost worship you. As Indians we have always been overly emotional, practicality goes out of the window, in fact, people like me and my friends have started to actually plan a career in politics. Ashamed as I feel I am one of the few who do not own a voters ID. Trust me this time I have felt guilt of the highest order for having a mouth only depraving the situation of the country and not contributing in it. I was one of the few who never really gave a crap about it and also were lost in the saying of ‘India ka kuchh nahi ho sakta’ but never took the initiative to be the change. What I am saying is, we have started to trust again, we want to be a part of the change, for over 60 years, we waited for someone else to do it for us, but this time it is personal.

This is no threat, but more of a warning and loving advice for us, for you and I and the billion like me. This time, no false promises, no cheating, no corruption, pure unadulterated freedom from oppression, inequality, caste-ism, and no bell curves please, curves are good on us women, just exponential growth in every sector.

I hereby lay all my prayers, requests, advice and most importantly, once again, my hope in your daan peti, and wait for you to do what you are assuredly best at…change our face as a nation make it what we all have waited for it  to be for ages now. We lay our faith in the true Indian image that you portrayed with your simple Indian clothing, use of the national language even in the foreign nations…

MOST OF ALL I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST FROM THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!!

JAI HIND..!

₹oti $ufferers…

“$un Raha hai na tu, ₹o raha hun main” -The most popular phrase of 2013 Q3!

It’s been dwindling, falling apart and in some obscene although truthful words as described by Chetan Bhagat, it has been ripped off of all its virtue. The growing and booming economy of the country is now at a stage where medically speaking we might need a ventilator. All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men are trying hard to put Humpty Dumpty back again but seems like an impossible task as in the poetry. But what will a non-economist like me know about it? Sure the news and media are providing more than ample of reading material, but as an Indian, cynicism is a deep-seated infection in our brain. We can’t stop wondering if all our leaders are indeed doing anything about it, are they taking the right steps as one big family to safeguard our present and future or just trying to fill their own individual coffers before the rainy day!

Articles, books, debates, journals, discussions, news reports have one major headline of how the Rupee and the Dollar are in the boxing arena and the Rupee is being bruised and killed at every round. One can imagine the US Dollar in blue boxing gear, raving about in the boxing ring growling and grunting with its arms flexed up, jumping up and down. In the other corner we can see the bloodied and beaten up Rupee in red gear sitting heaving on the stool looking for support but there is no manager trying to quench its fatal thirst with water or giving it speeches of motivation. The Rupee sees all it’s supporters and team members sitting as far away as possible trying to avoid eye contact, hands held to the head nodding along in regret.

I am sure as a consumer and a part of the general public, aam aadmi as we are, I maybe just as much responsible as everyone else. Text messages, emails, social network posts are being shared indicating what we can do to stop or reduce this raging, (one-sided) war. Stop using international brands, reduce oil/petrol consumption, stop buying gold! Yes, that’s right, we should probably do all of that and more, but how many of us are willing to try and help out the country? Erm…. Maybe none. We are going about living as if nothing is wrong, except for when we see the rising inflation and the ever increasing unemployment problems, and as if on cue we decide to blame the government, the elections and how this is just a phase etc. etc. blah-di-blah-di-blah. I am equally a part of this group, this insensitive, nonchalant, group which only feels pure indifference and like a Bollywood movie believes in a ‘Happy Ending’ and that ‘All is well’. What do I need? I need someone to tell me what I should do. A leader who makes a plan, who rises to this situation and directs me to do a couple of things. If the right person with the right accolade and credibility walks-by and directs me, I am more than confident that we can all be programmed like ‘Vicky’ from ‘Small Wonder’ and follow instructions.

Enter Mr. Raghuram Rajan, reminds me of Shah Rukh Khan from ‘Swades’ who has come back and decided to sacrifice self needs to live abroad and rather work for his country. As a representative of India he has made his mark in the world. But he returns back for our good and I feel pride when I see his pictures in the press with a confident and determined look while he waves out to us from the entrance to his office as the 23rd RBI Governor. He is not just a name for us who has been added to many others in the history of India, but now he is like Agent J from ‘Men in Black’ come to save the world from destruction. But what is our Agent RR’s armor and ammunition that makes him a brighter star than all the others in the past? If we take his first address as his first chance of creating an impression at his position, we can see a few pointers which seem as the Endorphins to the human psyche of an average Indian at this point.

  1. Communication
  2. Inspirational Leading and ability to take charge
  3. Keeping his team at the forefront
  4. Using team inputs and appreciation of their efforts
  5. Motivation
  6. Keeping his sight at the horizon focusing on the target rather than surrounding factors that could bring him down
  7. He has a plan, not just promises.
  8. He has walked in the middle of the storm and did not bat an eyelid, ready to take on his charge.
  9. He has set his priorities straight
  10. Consulted past leaders
  11. Sounds Optimistic
  12. Remembered all the rivulets that the RBI’s decisions affect and decides to relax a few tight holds.
  13. He is gaining confidence of people around him.

Source: IBN Live

Is this an eyewash of a speech or does our cynicism as Indians always take the best of us? We have always waited and watched, given opportunities to people who haven’t really done anything besides give us false promises and never work on it. For an individual who has taken charge at this ripe age with a back up of great educational qualifications and international experience, I think he does command a certain amount of respect towards him.

Welcome to the dark side Mr Rajan. We look up to you as the bright beacon of light for our ‘Oh-so-almost-damned’ economy as our hope that will take us through these bad times and bring us to rise back in the limelight. Thank you for being our “Knight in Shining Armour” come to the rescue of our “Damsel in Distress” of a country who is being eaten up rotten by termites of her own womb!

We all hope you are successful in every plan that you make and shut every face of the pessimistic insect that is trying to deter your objectives!

Couldn’t help but share this image from Economic times

Source: Economic Times

Justice…. Nuff said!

People would love to wake up to a cup of coffee and some happy incident where we are lucky to have a government declared holiday from work. But today India wakes up to the news of the hanging of Ajmal Kasab. Happy, Content or safe? How would you describe this feeling at this time of the morning? Well, I would say a long wait for the country and all the mocking of the government shall now subside…the city of Mumbai may now breathe a silent sigh of relief. But does it? Is it the end? An otherwise categorised ‘inhuman’ analogy might apply here—if we destroy every single ant that walks up to your guarded sweet, singularly, will that make our sweet safe? Temporarily, yes. Permanently, no! We do have to eventually call the exterminator and look for the ant hill! Destroy the base to stop further attacks. However, unfortunately, I believe this is not as easy in this situation. There is no on-call exterminator, no ghostbhuster to save us. So who are you gonna call?? This time there is no physical base of the cause. It is the mind that is polluted. Very much so like the figurative rotten apple, that creates more rotten apples as it goes.

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Sinister Terrorist?

Should we be happy? To be honest I have been one of the 1.2 billion population asking for this day to come earlier. I was one of the masses of the country when we all wanted the perpetrator of the 26/11 to be punished, to perish! But at this moment why do I feel betrayed by my conscience? To watch the recorded files of the time before the execution, to see him pray for himself at the last moment, only remind me of the movie ‘The Green Mile’. The time of conviction and the decision of your execution is made certain, the terrorist inside you, the nationality of a country, the patriotism all wanes. You are probably at the most purest form of an absolute human being. Nothing now separates you from being only just a form of life, a part of evolution. He probably returned to being the farm boy he used to be before greed of money uprooted it. At this time though, I thought he was betrayed by his country of birth maybe, by denying his final rites. But did he feel the same? Did he care enough?

The father of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who was a martyr of these attacks, Mr K Unnikrishnan spoke to a news channel. I heard in his voice aggravation, anxiety, a rush of adrenaline. With a taste of revenge on his tongue, the father said words my brain couldn’t fathom at first, “I cannot say that killing Kasab was my target. I am not achieving anything………I definitely feel that killing Kasab was not good. It is not good killing a person. But he (Ajmal Kasab) was not innocent. He was a culprit and has received punishment…….. Sandeep was not directly connected with Kasab, Kasab did not kill Sandeep……….It is only the closure of one chapter, we have so many chapters open “. These words show the avenging was not for only his son, but for the deaths of all the innocent people. A father who has lost his son does feel that Kasab was after all a human being, strayed away from humanity morbidly in a way due to lack of emotion or sense of regard for other human life. However human, flesh and blood like us but with a deep seated infection. Do we amputate a finger, or the hand? How do we reach the core of the cause of this cancer that devours everything around it? This should and always has been our goal! But hopes remain high, thoughts remain ideal. Isn’t he a result of his education? What is right and what is wrong? Who is to decide? How is one to decide the errors of the brain which has always been programmed and trained to work in such a fashion? Wasn’t he but a mere pawn of the game? How does anyone apply a filter to his thoughts and learning? Thousands might now be manufacturing and training to fill in Kasab’s place with pride! They might even consider him a hero, in their ‘fight or revolution’. They might consider him a martyr, a passionate loyalist to their movement.

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Or innocent farm boy?

Who dies today, the terrorist brain or the boy who was promised money? There are seemingly more deaths as a matter of collateral damage!

So he waited for 5 years for justice to take its toll. Was he at peace? We all heard of the luxuries that he was provided during this wait. A thought however does cross my mind, did he at anytime repent his acts of 5 years ago or has the rot set in so deep that he died still believing in what he did was right?!

PS: After the incident at Palghar, I am afraid of being arrested for stating my opinion. I know this matter of ‘justice’ won’t take five years, but probably just five hours! This blog felt like bile rise up and had to be vented out.

 

The Pauper’s PARK

For an average, Indian common man (aam-aadmi) what the government does is not necessarily all-scam-no-work-productivity nonsense. But some things do hit you like a hedge-hammer. And the aggression and ‘senselessness’ in you wakes up to form a Raavana of it and you are ready to burn it down. One such Diwali took place in India on account of the Dream Park by Mayawati. At the outset, of such intelligence failures (or not), the common man wakes up and participates in the holy burning of the demon… Following are a few of the dialogues that he/she may blurt out…

It’s really astounding to see a CM spending rather wasting such inordinate sum of public money to come up with a so called “Dalit park”. But, what really exasperates me as an Indian is the audacity of her supporters and so called “educated Dalits” defending and justifying her move on all TV shows & public forums. I honestly wonder if they have actually been benefited from the education they received. How?…how can a right thinking person with a sound mind be proud of anything like this. The CM perhaps should have built a world class Institute and named it after her as she is so bloody self obsessed. If not, may be a hospital or a housing colony which could have benefited so many. It would have not only provided employment opportunities to people from her state but also developed the state. But Mayawati (Dalit ki beti) being a corruption queen and with her parochial and dirty politics couldn’t have actually done any better.

Kancha Ilaiah, he calls himself a Dalit activist and writer.  He is the same man who raised objections to Jan Lokpal Bill. I wonder the capacity of his intellect because his objection was that the bill doesn’t include reservation for Dalits. I seriously wish I could just laugh it off but the seriousness of the issue holds me back. A writer has the capacity to change the cognition of the whole generation but on the contrary instead of taking the mind away from caste and such social ills people like him keep feeding the society with such rigmarole. If they truly want to help the society and their community in particular why not educate them to such high levels of intelligence that people look up to them for who they are. Dr. Ambedkar is a prime example. He did not become what he did by playing dirty politics. He actually did something which is so conspicuous and the whole world recognises it today. Now that is the glory of the man. Not only is he looked up to but is also remembered for what he did for the upliftment of an oppressed community.

By identifying themselves as Dalits, oppressed, and different on every public forum possibly available to them I don’t think they are doing any service to the community. But what they certainly are doing is alienating them from rest of the society. People who do not even want to think on these lines are forced to treat them differently for a simple reason because they identify themselves as different – “A community that has been oppressed for 1000s of years” and with such “in your face” approach they are ensuring hatred for the next 1000s years. By adapting such attitude they are making us hate them.

The justification which is often thrown is that they were oppressed for centuries and now finally they have found a voice. I ask these people now that you have found your voice why do you want to waste it? Just because our forefathers were stupid who did what they did and now you want to match their stupidity. I wonder people like Kancha Ilaiah would have still supported this ₹ 685/- Crore park if he didn’t have his basic needs fulfilled. Would he have still stood his ground and defended “Dalit ki beti”? I guess not, but on second thought – well may be he would have. He sleeps with his stomach full which is why he can afford such audacity but one must ask millions of Dalits who do not even get one meal a day let alone basic needs. Ask them if they really think if this park has empowered them and served them or their families in any manner?

But hey! It’s INDIA, Hindu-Stan or should I say Bharat because you never know who might feel offended. Democracy is THE word and such people are making full use of it.

Long way to go…

Jai Hind!

Jingoism-A mystery!

We all know that family is something that we cannot choose and so we get the respectable pleasure of choosing our friends and associates… another thing that is not chosen, is your nationality. What is it that triggers the ‘Patriotism’? The love, passion, and dedication to your country, your birth place, the feeling of belonging. Is just being born on that land enough? Well most people move on to better facilities, better living standards, in a newer country. If not easily possible, they go beyond law, illegally migrate there. What about a country makes you its loving patriot? The lone fact that you are born on that land, the fact that your parents were born there, the fact that your proud of what your country is doing for you, or some other selfless feeling altogether?

If you think that just taking birth in a nation makes us feel love towards out motherland, let me explain the reason why I beg to differ, with an example… During my stay in England, I have seen the biggest mixture of nationalities. I might as well say I have taken a trip around the world. People from all parts of the world, representatives from each and every continent live in this small part of an island, in what I wouldn’t want to exactly define as harmony, but definitely at peace. Of course there are little spurts by disgruntled people here and there, but even a couple in a love marriage have their own bitter-sweet complaints. So living In such a confluence of nations and blessed with a job at the airport gave me the perfect opportunity to have a taste of every dish in this ‘Pot Party’ (nothing to do with weed or pot painting, but basically a get together of people of different tastes, who bring their own delicacy to the gathering for the rest to savour). To top it up, I have lived with our ‘expectantly-not-so-friendly’ next door neighbours for about almost 3/4ths of my stay here. I have worked with them, studied with them too. And let me tell you one thing, they have not been very different from you and me. Equally helpful, equally accommodating, similar rituals in the day-to-day living, and a shocking but truly great taste in Bollywood and the daily ‘K’ dramas! They are bigger fans of these than I am for sure… Coming back to the point though, I have seen a few of them, desperate to stay away from Pakistan and ready to do anything for it, go to any level for it. Some of them have even gone far enough to say that they sometimes do not reveal their true identities in public, but consider saying that they are Indians and feel that they save themselves embarrassment. Mind you I am not generalising, they too are passionate about their country and speak passionately but I cannot completely ignore these minority groups from the same country who fall prey to illegal resorts to get away from the green passport. To narrate a very recent episode, after the bombings in Mumbai on the 13th of July, my nearest Pakistani family had this to say, “I am sure it is a Pakistani terrorist attack” and my reaction was nothing short of complete jaw-dropping shock! I had to reconfirm the poor female’s nationality and make her repeat what she said just to make sure I am not hearing things in broad daylight. But I don’t blame them. I blame the pathetic so-called ‘religious activists’ in Pakistan who do such things and humiliate these poor bystanders. They do not realise the collateral damage that they are causing to the psyche of the rest of the population who are dragged into being frowned upon just because they share the same birth place as them. I pity them as they face disrespect for no fault of theirs! It is unfortunate that it makes them feel vulnerable and the whole world looks down upon them thanks to the ‘privileged’ few.

The name Pakistan and the religion of Islam are now unfortunately considered synonymous with terrorism. This is how narrow-minded and indifferent the world is at this point. But it is not the whole country which is at fault however they all suffer the consequence. But it is not only Pakistanis; we have many other nationals in England, from the Middle East and Africa wishing to stay here, compelling the British Government to make the migration options stringent for the future influx.

Ruminating on what makes us love our country, let’s come to India. Today as I compose this text, we are celebrating our 64th Independence Day. After 6 decades of independence from the British colonialism, I confess I am sometimes still confused about the state of India. Are we independent? Is there a difference from what we were before the rebirth of Bharat or should we put it as birth of ‘Hindustan’? We were fighting then and we are still fighting now… we had Gandhi then, and we have Hazare now. The difference you ask? We fought a fairer race then and we fight the corrupt race now… pun intended! Another similarity between the two rebellions is that we are now fighting within ourselves again; the British policy of divide and rule seems to have stuck. We were then two separate religious groups, and today we are two separate political parties, Congress the ruling party against the opposition. The same old drama continues, the political leaders promise us sweets and savouries when they come to power and we fall flat on our face with the same old lack of fulfilled promises. But we elect the next promising party with full zeal, hoping against hope that this time we will be given what was pledged. Isn’t this democracy similar to Monarchy besides that minor difference that we are electing our leaders, and then they tend to lead us on their own will? Simple example, if there was democracy, freedom of expression, I find it ludicrous that the government would post restriction on the fasting and protests such as, ‘Okay you can go on with your protests, as far as you listen to our conditions,

  1. You have a time limit after which you must eat,
  2. You have a restriction on the number of people who can protest,
  3. You will have to eventually accept or bow down to our decision which will be final and binding.’

Democracy? How? Independence? Where? Freedom? From what?

All of us showed how much we condemn corruption, how much we support the protests, Anna Hazare, the Jan Lokpal Bill, how much the hospitality that Kasab got from India was denounced, but it feels like our cries are all falling on deaf ears. The government seems to act like a parent who keeps saying, ‘You can say what you wish, but Mother knows best.’ But unfortunately, we don’t agree this time. Although our parents did say this and their words were true, this is not the case now. This is the state of our democracy.

When I consider the ‘developed’ countries, what is it that they do different from us? How do they get to reign on the pedestal of high economies? The answer is plain and simple. Don’t you see it? WE are making them stay at that position. Besides a few innovators, most businesses in the US are run by Indians and Chinese. Few of them 2nd generations, but we still have 1st generations pouring there. Taking their degrees from the likes of IITs and IIMs and then jumping on the first flight out, why? Not because they are not proud of being Indians, but because it promises them a better living opportunity. It all boils down to the ‘ME’ factor. But we are only human. I feel proud when I see that this is now on the path of change. We are now moving on. The lever is pulled and the track is changed. Not a day goes by when instead of giving me a crinkled nose and a scornful look for being an Indian, I get a dignified and respectful look from the people I speak to at the airport. My heart brims with pride when the British, who were just recently looking down upon us with racist eyes now say, “India is the place to be now, I am sure our children will not live and work in Britain. They will move on to India. That is the booming economy now.” It makes me feel proud when I hear that economists are focussing on MY country, trying to decipher when we will move to be the super power (you can check a video on ted.com by Hans Rosling ‘Asia’s rise — how and when India will be Superpower’).

What do we perceive as our perfect nation? What is the India of our dreams? If we think of it, we are not that far off from our goal. If you think that we are country with the largest slum in the world, it’s about time we peep into these slums. They are better off decorated and designed than most of the homes in the city. Few of them are also being rebuilt through government aids and are constantly on the five-year plan of the government. We have children from the poorer states of the country moving towards better education, clearing the CAT exams.

We all have our faults and fallacies, but it is through our mistakes that we learn. We all agree that no one is perfect in this world, but perfection is the goal and the drive to reach it is what keeps us on our feet. We cry and crib, moan and whine all we want, but whenever we listen to the national anthem play, we feel the Goosebumps rise, and we feel our hair standing on its end, even if it is playing in the theatre just before a movie. We all change our photographs on our social networking sites to signify our connection to the tricolour, we make Indian Independence day a trending topic on Twitter. What instigates this? I think it will remain a mystery to me, and I really think it is better as a mystery too. It has a fairy tale charm in it which keeps us clinging on to it. It has been a fast paced change and we have stumbled En Route. But when a child falls it realises not to walk into the pothole next time, but to walk around it. India is like a child walking in the dark, hands outstretched, taking each day each challenge as it comes, trying to understand its surroundings and grow with it. We are on the learning curve and will surely achieve what we aspire for. But it is our sole responsibility to make sure we stay hopeful, motivated and strong. And I am sure this unknown force and love will still bind us together with our motherland!

Jai Hind!

‘K’Aatankwaad (Terrorism with a K)

Statutory warning: – this is a work of fiction and only formed to serve the purpose as a piece of rubbish to induce laughter in its readers! Any resemblance to anyone alive or dead, is because it is based on true life but should not be taken under any circumstance as the principle truth. May the souls of the people caught in the World trade centre rest in peace.

Producer- Ekta Kapoor

Director- Karan Johar

Music – A. R. Rehman (Oscar Nominee)

Cast:-

Kamina Sin-Gadhen=Rowan Atkinson

Rassak Kabhina- Bruno Mars

Inspector DharPakad= Rajinikanth

Maa= Nirupa Roy

Menaka/CIA agent= Rambha

Menaka/CIA agent= Rambha

The movie starts with a Happy-go-Lucky family in the USA, a loving couple having breakfast at a roadside cafe, with their daughter playing with her toy bunny near her parents table. She giggles and her parents smile proudly. There is a sudden loud explosion heard and shrieks and screams of people surround the cafe. You then see the burning and falling of the World trade Centre New York, USA.

Many news reporters in different languages all over the world talk about the enormous disaster on the 11th of September 2001 and then we hear quotes like ‘The Sanctity of the American families have now been terrorised by this day.’

Over a period of few days, the president of the United States accuses this devilish act on a believed terrorist group called ‘Al-Rashida‘ headed by Kamina-sin-Gadhen. The world now moves its focus on the origins of this turbaned Islamic leader, Iraq. They target this country and claim war. The world is blanketed by terror. Over a period of 10 long years, people mourn the loss of their family members who were either in the Twin towers of the world trade centre during the ill-fated destruction or those who lost their lives in the wars in Afghanistan. (Now where did Afghanistan come into the picture? What happened to Iraq? Don’t Ask!)

Terrorist attacks continue to wreck peace around the world in small spurts during the 10 year period. Almost all were blamed on Al-Rashida. India still struggles with Pakistan and Vice Versa as well. Various countries look at every Islamic person with suspicion. Men with Beards are looked down upon. People are scared to sit next to them in public places. Women in burkhas are ill-treated. And the world continues to live on with these things in the background.

One fine day, there is a big news Flash, ‘Under the Leadership of the US President Rassak Kabhina, Kamina-Sin-Gadhen is killed in a firefight near the city center of Pakistan.’ There are no further details divulged. Some news channels were so excited about the expected TRP rating, that they misspelled Kabhina and Kamina at the wrong places!

The US President Kabhina had intelligence of the location and so he took immediate action and informed the US Marine Coast Guards, (Walrus a.k.a. the US Navy Seals) to get started on an operation of the killing of Sin-Gadhen. The world is told that Raavan is dead, and the US celebrates their own Diwali on that day! Kabhina is their Ram and the US navy seals were the monkeys who helped in this expedition! Although which was Lanka is still a question!

The Muslims in the world are outraged; this is the aftermath of the killing of the ‘Darth Vader’ in this edition of the Star Wars. The sons of the Islamic ‘martyr’, now eye for the family property and they mull over the next heir to take over the ‘Gaddi’ (the Royal Throne). This son is already married to a (voluptuous) British woman and is now living happily in the US of A!

Enter Inspector DharPakad. Inspector DP is happily living with his family with an elder almost useless brother, miserly and greedy brother’s wife, a loving old white ‘sari’ed mother and a framed photo with a fresh garland for a dead father who used to worked in the military. He has been growing up listening to this story of how his father was killed during the Afghanistan wars. His one and only motive was to kill the Sin-Gadhen but now he had no motive left. He was jubilant at first when he heard about his death. But one day while he was singing and dancing around trees and fountains with his sought after girlfriend Menaka he saw a group of Taliban members having a happy picnic in the nearby garden adjacent to the same monument of historic importance. Inspector DharPakad goes to eavesdrop (ironically he also drops Menaka from his arms at this minute). He finds out the biggest scam in the world. But the Taliban members understand his presence when Menaka comes to verbally abuse DharPakad at his uncaught drop! At this minute they attack and kidnap her. But they wait for DharPakad to say, “Yenna Rascalas!! I am going to cyatch you peepul!! Whotch out for me!!! Mind it!!”

Now Inspector DP has 2 things to do, rescue Menaka from the jaws of the evil and open the biggest scam the world has ever seen! So he goes to the nearest temple and talks to the Goddess Kaali, demanding more than praying for strength to get her back. So he touches the feet of his mother and she feeds him yoghurt on account of a good luck charm and tears flow her eyes when she blesses him saying, ‘Bete (son), don’t forget to get the list of groceries on your way’. So Inspector DP goes on his way to the suspected hideout. That’s when a very bright idea strikes him and he yells, “Yoorekha (Eureka)”. And he gets caught by the guards.

After all this tough luck, he eventually wakes up from his sedation and finds himself trapped and tied by strong iron chains. He sees whom he wished to see more than anyone, Sin-Gadhen. He tells them one statement, “I know everything and so does Mumbai Police. We will have a Back-up team coming right up in a moment.” This is when Sin-Gadhen gets nervous and calls for people to increase security in the high tower in the middle of the Arabian Sea. DP takes advantage of this distracted moment and unties himself from the strong chains and holds the gun from one of the security standing near him, to the temple of Sin-Gadhen. At the same time he hears another click near his head, he sees President Kabhina near him. “I waas Waiting for you, Rascala!”

In a flash before anyone realises what went wrong, Inspector DP is back in action in the lead, Menaka came to his rescue with a gun at Kabhina’s head. Just at that time, Menaka pulls out her wig of black beautiful long hair to reveal a head full of blonde hair, “I am a CIA agent and was waiting for this moment my whole life, I am sorry DP I had to lie to you!” With a microsecond of emotion passing through his eyes, holds himself together to get back to work. DP is ecstatic though when he comes to know of Menaka‘s true identity. He flips his glasses and his cigarette in his typical style. At the same time Kamina points his gun at Menaka and both Kabina and DP are startled but DP knows that this is Bread & Butter situation for him. He has saved the heroine from similar situation more than 10000 times so far. He bends down, gets his gun out, points it towards Menaka, throws his sunglasses towards her, they are placed perfectly over her eyes, Kamina just gets his head out to look at what is happening and DP throws his lit cigarette towards Kamina‘s beard which sets it on fire and then immediately taking complete advantage of the situation he shoots Kamina, right in between his eyes. All this in a flash of a second. Kabina just couldn’t believe his eyes. He had seen Matrix the trilogy 1000 times, but he had never seen DP in action before. This is how DP works and finishes of cases… In truly entertaining style.

The Day is saved the world is saved yet again by Inspector DharPakad. He gives a speech to the people of the world to reveal the truth! This is what happened on the 1st of May ’11.

The US Marine Coast Guards ‘Walrus’ had gone to a Market to buy their regular dose of Hash Brownies, and they saw a tall guy buying Halal meat for the rest of the week. They saw the white turban the long beard and the white robes that he wore with a black strap around his back. They observed that the Meat Market is still at peace. Shopkeepers were smiling and giving away the meat at discounted prices to their regular ‘peaceful’ customer. The Walrus chief contacted his headquarters in the room no. 420, The Ceasar’s Palace hotel, Las Vegas, United states. This is when Sin-Gadhen received a call from the President saying that he had a deal to offer. If the terrorist is ready to let go of all his grudges against the United States, the President will help him to start and lead a new life! So the story was plotted and Sin-Gadhen was given a make-over and was supposed to be transported to Madagascar where he would be spending the rest of his life sipping on a Piña colada on watching the sunset on the beach!

Ready for Samba?

But then We had a momentous rescue by Inspector DharPakad.

Imagine a world with unlimited Liquids permitted in the hand luggage!

P.S. Menaka colours her hair black and lives with her husband DP happily ever after!!!!

THE END!