One Day

The silhouette of a warrior woman with storm clouds in the background.One day

I shall bare my soul
It’s dark and cracked.
The cracks are unsealable, letting the light out
The darkness is remarkable, its weight tires me out
I will show you who I am and what makes me
What keeps me alive and what breaks me
A training you may feel, before you take the hike
Where to take shelter, how not to let the lightening strike

I will show you the hits and misses the holes and crevices,
The nooks and corners of me.
What holds me up, what pushes me down,
What part of me I never want to see

Let me shed light on my heart on what makes the pain go away,
To only come back at every stab and where I sink back in and stay.

I will bare you my story for you to know it’s not my last escapade,
Dont want a shoulder just need your words to help me sharpen my blade…

Questions!

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I am tired. I want to go back to simpler times.

When we walk home and mom is ready with food. Your troubles are when you have fallen and bruised your knee. The biggest problem you have is the expected test in school tomorrow. You worry that you best friend is moving out of the city. It used to be much simpler when your books got wet in the rain, not that you have to write more, when you would worry of how dad would react cos you reached home late that night, 7.30 instead of 7. You looked forward to running chores for your grandparents who would give you a big hug and maybe a chocolate as a token of appreciation. When your chores were to run and make sure that there wasn’t anything getting overcooked.

 

What changed with time? We grew up, we complicated things. Gadgets, money, success, fame, love, marriage, all these became obligations rather than just natural behaviour! Cheating, lying, politics, business, chaos, puddles, mud, manholes, storms, tornadoes, climate change, famines, droughts, competition, murder! Economic growth, financial stability, blood sucking mosquitoes, dengue, presidential elections, government servants, rulers, rules, laws, need of the law! Humans, animals, inhuman, evil, satanic, do-gooders, philanthropists, adjectives, verbs, descriptions….

A massive period…! We don’t stop, we crave, we don’t stop, we demand, or we steal, we rob, we cheat, we lie, we scream, we cry, we need, we want, we just do not stop. It is loud in all our heads, but it is not clear, there is a constant shouting, but there is no sense to the noise, it is noise not sound. More chaos, more jumbles, more complications.

 

We do not want what we have, but we crave what we cannot have. Forbidden? I need it. Out of bounds? I will drag you down if needed for me to get it. Illegal? I must have it.

 

THIS IS BEYOND GREED, this is beyond normal, this is not what we were planned for, this is not what we are here for… but then why are we here?

WHAT? What is our destination? What is this journey?

WHY? Why do I get a headache when I think so much, am I the tin-man? Are the pins that keep it together about to fall off?

WHERE? Where am I supposed to go? Where am I headed? What is the point of this journey?

HOW? How do I make myself happy? How do I stay sane? How do I make this stop?

 

I AM TIRED…….

The Country of Idiotic Revolutions

Hot blood has obviously brought about sweaty repercussions!!

DISCLAIMER: 

So I noticed this post was lying in the drafts of my blogs from 80 Days ago. I thought at first maybe I missed uploading and posting something. But I remember my hesitation to be my lack of confidence on the current system which might drag me to the police station or atleast certain threats might follow thrust outburst. So I got it read form a few people before I could decide on its legitimacy to go on the World Wide Web. But I was still unsure of the repurcusion a and let it stay hidden. 

Since this “revolution” had sort of quietened down(?) I think I may be able to squeeze this through and still live to tell my tale. India and this new found “Intolerance” I tell you. 😑😒 but that would be a new post altogether

What we want is secularism at the expense of sectioning it. To be named a particular type of section of society would be a prejudice to people and their rights. Today we get to see people trying to get “typecasted” in order to mark opportunities. The word minority has lost its true meaning so we find the sect of people separating themselves no longer on the basis of their birth family’s age old occupation, however on the basis of their surname. They may occupy a majority of the population or be the most widely spread community worldwide, it doesn’t matter. A 22 year old uses that as his strategy to being about “power” in his words. Instead of rejecting his imbecile behaviour and discouraging his mentors from training him incorrectly, we observe well educated knowledgeable morons trying to build and strengthen his position by following in his bottomless out of idiosyncrasy.

However let me point out that I realise I am making a minor assumption. Knowledge, education and common sense has never been a part of the same menu or as a consequence of the other. As I remember recalling a discussion with a PhD aspirant, “India has reached a stage where education is not a means to enlightenment and knowledge any more. It is a method to grow higher in your ‘career’. Whether you understand a concept and its logic behind it, is pretty irrelevant. It is merely the paper degree that we look forward for so that we can earn a better salary.” I do not need any more incidents to back this statement of mine. Although there are exceptions we are always prone to slightly tilt towards the rule when making general statements and this was one such statement.
We are an ignorant bunch of idiots. We only understand inner agendas and political plots in the TV soaps that we watch and the ones among a mother and wife of a man at home. The highest we can reach is when we go up to the sickening and unhealthy competition among colleagues vying to grow higher by pulling others down rather than on self merit. The blame of a bad democracy is not on the politicians who ‘rule’ us, but the idiots amongst us who believe in their stupidity. What are the qualities we desire in our leaders??!? Confidence and a loud ruckus. It is a fake drum roll by an idiot who is being used as a pawn by someone higher hidden behind the wings of the stage of the show. Democracy is now the right of the politician and the political parties. We are mere idiots unable to understand what we want. We are the blind mice from the Pied Piper’s story, following the sound faked as a melody. How different is our fate than of those rats about to jump into the water???

The Ticking Time Bomb

Time bomb

We are all living as a part of a live, ticking bomb, we all know we are going blow up one day. What we don’t know is when. This mystery keeps us moving on, drilling, hoping for a tomorrow for a future. We all plan for retirement, a vacation in Hawaii and for the college graduation of our kids. But what are we slowly moving towards? Our own end. But the end is not only of the world or our life or our thoughts and age, there are ends to relationships. Friendships, families, all die out. Death is inevitable. It could be due to distance or misunderstanding or lack of wanting to hold back valued memoirs when pitted against egos, religion, mental ability or physical ability. Greed, selfishness and everything else holds on to what ‘I’ want. ‘I want you to do this, because I said so, because it makes ME happy.’  ‘The world revolves around me.’ Someday we will learn to live for each other, hold on to the thinner than silk fabric first woven from the silkworm, before its tensile strength can be judged by anyone else. Why is it so hard to try and patch things up rather than giving up on them? Why do we value people and their presence in our lives lesser than what we can achieve in our investments? Everyone proudly states that ‘broken china when fixed still has the line where it once broke’. Why don’t we then think of the times when our broken radios when fixed, still gave us the same joy that we could get through its music, before it broke? Why are we hell bent on ridding ourselves of the old and then running amock looking for the new ones to fill this emptiness? When will we stop chasing the unprecedented and the unexpected or rather unplanned, when we have the opportunity to hold on to what we already hold dear and precious to us? Will we never learn?

We all go about in our lives displaying strength and a poker face, finding it demeaning for people to show emotions. Well, we built the machines minus emotions, rather than making them feel, we move on to become the iron man without the heart traveling to Oz, but we are obvious tracing the path backwards. Why, no one knows. We may progress technologically, but the very first principle of being human is being shunned. Maturity is weighed based on your pain threshold. Is it so wrong to break down and feel? Is it so difficult to make things clear, talk things out rather than push it under the carpet and wait till wind blows it back into your face? One day we are all going to sit back and blow apart into pieces when someone cuts the wrong wire and the bomb diffuses ahead of the expiration date and we will be left back with nothing but empty hands, shrapnel and pieces of things we could have worked upon. Pieces of the jigsaw puzzle will no longer fit back and we will find it hard or rather impossible to go back in time to wake our earlier self to grow beyond the materials and value what we have. It is always good to chase the new and the revered. But the question is, at what cost? It is right to throw out the water to fill our glasses with milk, but the question is what bereaves you, hunger or thirst? We are unable to assess our own needs and we end up confusing them with our wants, and we are left abashed at our own situation. But we stand up, dust ourselves off and walk away in dignity, because we are mature and are adults.

Because, “Levanta, sacode a poeira e dá a volta por cima” – Noite Ilustrada

(Get up, shake the dust and give an awesome comeback)

₹oti $ufferers…

“$un Raha hai na tu, ₹o raha hun main” -The most popular phrase of 2013 Q3!

It’s been dwindling, falling apart and in some obscene although truthful words as described by Chetan Bhagat, it has been ripped off of all its virtue. The growing and booming economy of the country is now at a stage where medically speaking we might need a ventilator. All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men are trying hard to put Humpty Dumpty back again but seems like an impossible task as in the poetry. But what will a non-economist like me know about it? Sure the news and media are providing more than ample of reading material, but as an Indian, cynicism is a deep-seated infection in our brain. We can’t stop wondering if all our leaders are indeed doing anything about it, are they taking the right steps as one big family to safeguard our present and future or just trying to fill their own individual coffers before the rainy day!

Articles, books, debates, journals, discussions, news reports have one major headline of how the Rupee and the Dollar are in the boxing arena and the Rupee is being bruised and killed at every round. One can imagine the US Dollar in blue boxing gear, raving about in the boxing ring growling and grunting with its arms flexed up, jumping up and down. In the other corner we can see the bloodied and beaten up Rupee in red gear sitting heaving on the stool looking for support but there is no manager trying to quench its fatal thirst with water or giving it speeches of motivation. The Rupee sees all it’s supporters and team members sitting as far away as possible trying to avoid eye contact, hands held to the head nodding along in regret.

I am sure as a consumer and a part of the general public, aam aadmi as we are, I maybe just as much responsible as everyone else. Text messages, emails, social network posts are being shared indicating what we can do to stop or reduce this raging, (one-sided) war. Stop using international brands, reduce oil/petrol consumption, stop buying gold! Yes, that’s right, we should probably do all of that and more, but how many of us are willing to try and help out the country? Erm…. Maybe none. We are going about living as if nothing is wrong, except for when we see the rising inflation and the ever increasing unemployment problems, and as if on cue we decide to blame the government, the elections and how this is just a phase etc. etc. blah-di-blah-di-blah. I am equally a part of this group, this insensitive, nonchalant, group which only feels pure indifference and like a Bollywood movie believes in a ‘Happy Ending’ and that ‘All is well’. What do I need? I need someone to tell me what I should do. A leader who makes a plan, who rises to this situation and directs me to do a couple of things. If the right person with the right accolade and credibility walks-by and directs me, I am more than confident that we can all be programmed like ‘Vicky’ from ‘Small Wonder’ and follow instructions.

Enter Mr. Raghuram Rajan, reminds me of Shah Rukh Khan from ‘Swades’ who has come back and decided to sacrifice self needs to live abroad and rather work for his country. As a representative of India he has made his mark in the world. But he returns back for our good and I feel pride when I see his pictures in the press with a confident and determined look while he waves out to us from the entrance to his office as the 23rd RBI Governor. He is not just a name for us who has been added to many others in the history of India, but now he is like Agent J from ‘Men in Black’ come to save the world from destruction. But what is our Agent RR’s armor and ammunition that makes him a brighter star than all the others in the past? If we take his first address as his first chance of creating an impression at his position, we can see a few pointers which seem as the Endorphins to the human psyche of an average Indian at this point.

  1. Communication
  2. Inspirational Leading and ability to take charge
  3. Keeping his team at the forefront
  4. Using team inputs and appreciation of their efforts
  5. Motivation
  6. Keeping his sight at the horizon focusing on the target rather than surrounding factors that could bring him down
  7. He has a plan, not just promises.
  8. He has walked in the middle of the storm and did not bat an eyelid, ready to take on his charge.
  9. He has set his priorities straight
  10. Consulted past leaders
  11. Sounds Optimistic
  12. Remembered all the rivulets that the RBI’s decisions affect and decides to relax a few tight holds.
  13. He is gaining confidence of people around him.

Source: IBN Live

Is this an eyewash of a speech or does our cynicism as Indians always take the best of us? We have always waited and watched, given opportunities to people who haven’t really done anything besides give us false promises and never work on it. For an individual who has taken charge at this ripe age with a back up of great educational qualifications and international experience, I think he does command a certain amount of respect towards him.

Welcome to the dark side Mr Rajan. We look up to you as the bright beacon of light for our ‘Oh-so-almost-damned’ economy as our hope that will take us through these bad times and bring us to rise back in the limelight. Thank you for being our “Knight in Shining Armour” come to the rescue of our “Damsel in Distress” of a country who is being eaten up rotten by termites of her own womb!

We all hope you are successful in every plan that you make and shut every face of the pessimistic insect that is trying to deter your objectives!

Couldn’t help but share this image from Economic times

Source: Economic Times

In conversation with Him

One evening I was pondering, thinking to myself, when I decided it was time. All I needed was to form a question and he answered back!

Me:           So who am I?

Him:         Who you are is what you make of yourself! You are a pawn in the life sequence for others and the King or queen of your own. You are a part of a major story you just don’t know it yet.

Me:           Why these sequence of events?

Him:         Your every action creates a sequence; everything that is around you and surrounds you is a reaction to what you have done in the past.

Me:           Alright. How do I know what I have done is right or wrong? What is my purpose?

Him:         There is no one right answer. What you do is a mere representation of what your perception of the ‘Right thing’ is. What is right for the spider is chaos for the fly. Who you are and what your purpose is a big mystery. It shall unfurl and you will know how your actions affected in that final result! Savour the taste of this mystery, savour this sensation. Who would like a mundane story where you know how it ends? Wait for it, every moment of anticipation shall be worth it.

Me:           Oh hold on a minute, if I am responsible for my every action, who are you? What is your purpose?

Him:         (he smirked) I am what you want me to be. Your faith is what makes me. Think of me as a stone, think of me in human form, think of me as a messiah when you need hope. I am nothing but merely what your belief makes me to be. If you do not believe in me, I do not exist for you. But that doesn’t change anything. If one day you decide to be an atheist, there is no curse that will follow, if you one day decide to burn down posters, break stone idols, there won’t be repercussions in terms of the end of the world. Have you seen a mother reduce her love for her little boy just because he is being naughty or throwing tantrums? My existence, however, is purely based on how you think it to be. I do not expect bribes, I do not want sacrifices. Everything that exists has its rights to exist; they were all made for a purpose. You may think you are changing its existence, but it has its own expiry date and a purpose to fulfil, you are only the tool which is bringing it about.

Me:           I am confused. If we are the tools and what we do is already destined, why are we to face a future with repercussions of those actions?

Him:         Don’t be. There is only so much that human brains are supposed to programme only so much they are to understand and process, only so much they are to grasp. Your curiosity is what keeps you growing. Science is the way you will unfurl every minute mystery. The further you go, more are the possibilities of greater knowledge. Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know unless you know of it later.

With more curls in my brain than in my hair, I pondered more. I am not to know of what I am to see, I should not be afraid of the unknown, just remember that I am a tool for the actions in the world. What has to happen is imminent, but I have to actively participate in these exact actions to receive full advantage of it. I am not a spectator; I am a part of this play. Have to seize the moment and continue with what I think is right.

Life and death are the goal posts. I must play the game in between; tread the path in this journey. I have no one else to answer to but myself. He lives within me. He is what I make him. He is hope, He is peace, He is the messiah, He is the future, He is the past, He is the friend, the companion in this journey and He is someone I can believe in without his expectations of anything in return. He will stand by me, guide me. He teaches me to be humble, selfless and appreciative of everything around me and what I have. He is an identity to the force that human kind doesn’t understand but names as the creator or the destroyer or just ignores its existence. He doesn’t force me to believe in him, doesn’t ask me to teach others his ways. He asks me to be and give what he gives me, again with no expectations of anything in return.

Is it too much to do?

 

Justice…. Nuff said!

People would love to wake up to a cup of coffee and some happy incident where we are lucky to have a government declared holiday from work. But today India wakes up to the news of the hanging of Ajmal Kasab. Happy, Content or safe? How would you describe this feeling at this time of the morning? Well, I would say a long wait for the country and all the mocking of the government shall now subside…the city of Mumbai may now breathe a silent sigh of relief. But does it? Is it the end? An otherwise categorised ‘inhuman’ analogy might apply here—if we destroy every single ant that walks up to your guarded sweet, singularly, will that make our sweet safe? Temporarily, yes. Permanently, no! We do have to eventually call the exterminator and look for the ant hill! Destroy the base to stop further attacks. However, unfortunately, I believe this is not as easy in this situation. There is no on-call exterminator, no ghostbhuster to save us. So who are you gonna call?? This time there is no physical base of the cause. It is the mind that is polluted. Very much so like the figurative rotten apple, that creates more rotten apples as it goes.

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Sinister Terrorist?

Should we be happy? To be honest I have been one of the 1.2 billion population asking for this day to come earlier. I was one of the masses of the country when we all wanted the perpetrator of the 26/11 to be punished, to perish! But at this moment why do I feel betrayed by my conscience? To watch the recorded files of the time before the execution, to see him pray for himself at the last moment, only remind me of the movie ‘The Green Mile’. The time of conviction and the decision of your execution is made certain, the terrorist inside you, the nationality of a country, the patriotism all wanes. You are probably at the most purest form of an absolute human being. Nothing now separates you from being only just a form of life, a part of evolution. He probably returned to being the farm boy he used to be before greed of money uprooted it. At this time though, I thought he was betrayed by his country of birth maybe, by denying his final rites. But did he feel the same? Did he care enough?

The father of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who was a martyr of these attacks, Mr K Unnikrishnan spoke to a news channel. I heard in his voice aggravation, anxiety, a rush of adrenaline. With a taste of revenge on his tongue, the father said words my brain couldn’t fathom at first, “I cannot say that killing Kasab was my target. I am not achieving anything………I definitely feel that killing Kasab was not good. It is not good killing a person. But he (Ajmal Kasab) was not innocent. He was a culprit and has received punishment…….. Sandeep was not directly connected with Kasab, Kasab did not kill Sandeep……….It is only the closure of one chapter, we have so many chapters open “. These words show the avenging was not for only his son, but for the deaths of all the innocent people. A father who has lost his son does feel that Kasab was after all a human being, strayed away from humanity morbidly in a way due to lack of emotion or sense of regard for other human life. However human, flesh and blood like us but with a deep seated infection. Do we amputate a finger, or the hand? How do we reach the core of the cause of this cancer that devours everything around it? This should and always has been our goal! But hopes remain high, thoughts remain ideal. Isn’t he a result of his education? What is right and what is wrong? Who is to decide? How is one to decide the errors of the brain which has always been programmed and trained to work in such a fashion? Wasn’t he but a mere pawn of the game? How does anyone apply a filter to his thoughts and learning? Thousands might now be manufacturing and training to fill in Kasab’s place with pride! They might even consider him a hero, in their ‘fight or revolution’. They might consider him a martyr, a passionate loyalist to their movement.

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Or innocent farm boy?

Who dies today, the terrorist brain or the boy who was promised money? There are seemingly more deaths as a matter of collateral damage!

So he waited for 5 years for justice to take its toll. Was he at peace? We all heard of the luxuries that he was provided during this wait. A thought however does cross my mind, did he at anytime repent his acts of 5 years ago or has the rot set in so deep that he died still believing in what he did was right?!

PS: After the incident at Palghar, I am afraid of being arrested for stating my opinion. I know this matter of ‘justice’ won’t take five years, but probably just five hours! This blog felt like bile rise up and had to be vented out.