Itz all about Greed!


Whoever said that necessity is the mother of invention had definitely kinked his actual feelings. It should have originally been coined as, “Greed is the mother of all inventions”. I agree with the use of the gender here without being sexist as everyone will agree with me. How funny it would be to watch Sassur-Damad soaps, to have the man servant gossiping and creating fights within a household, etc. So yeah, even though the woman might save a household and be behind every successful man and all that shit, I still think it would not have happened if it wasn’t for the nosey other woman. As far as I am concerned, almost 95% of the movies, you will find out that the final suspense character is the woman, or was the one which influenced the man to turn into the criminal. Okay, enough of killing my gender here.  How is greed involved? Well let’s start from the absolute primary invention. The Wheel..!!! It set the entire human nature in some apparent invention mode. How greed, you say? Well ‘need for speed’? Eventually greed to speed. And then of course laziness to move any part at all. Then we also have Fire as an invention. Humans were always plagiarists. So did you and I actually ‘invent’ fire??? Well hello… I am sure there was fire in the Garden of Eden every summer. Hmm, now why wasn’t the correct ‘source’ and referencing provided? And the heat was for cooking meat and for the few Swami Narayans existing then, cooking of veggies and to keep them warm. I am sure people must have fought then as well for each other’s fire, no pun intended. Eve must have danced on, “burn your pipe from the fire in my heart,” (Beedi Jalayle Jigar se piya..). The Westerners must have fought to gain complete access over the Middle east for their wood and Flintstones for the fire. The middle easterners being strong enough to fight them away must have then gained the term ‘terrorists’ as they killed to save themselves and their country. That when the English decided to try their luck on Indians. Well we always had martyrs from then and were fooled enough to give away everything, including their “Beedi Jalalyle” singers to replace Eve. Poor Eve was told she was being ‘Let go’.

Alright, now that the mood was ablaze to discover and invent new things, few people who wanted to settle things in the ‘Non Violent’ way, decided to use Barter systems but were again punched in their snub when people didn’t know how the value should be decided. They didn’t realise there was quite some more centuries to go before the ‘zero’ was discovered or dare I say invented? Till then I am sure all the students must have lived happily. ‘What is the least my teacher can give me? 1? Oh no worries as far as I get some thing or at least another chance to rewrite.’ Then came the Indians ecstatic with the least but most important number of all..! The Zero.. While we sat with a cup of Madeira rejoicing our newest proud addition in the history books the westerners children had a near missed heart attack, now looking for a new way to survive, but Darwin was way too far away to still analyse the ‘Survival of the fittest’ theory, which now is highly obvious what with the ever-increasing population of the Indians and Chinese.

We were so greedy that we didn’t spare the poor animals to whom this emotion is still alien in some respect. Well if we agree that the animals constitute a part of the food chain, then how do we explain their de-skinning and brutal treatment for reasons of fur? That would be a new ball game altogether.

Then came the coins and money just to spite these “scholars”. I am sure the westerners must have laughed, “LMFAO, so you got the zero huh? Well stay with it then, we got the moolah..!!” But then they were kicked when they realised, the Indians won again… thanks to the Kohinoor, the kings and queens of the Moghul Raj. This hit the English right in the ‘Ahem’, so they plotted the attack. Well and was it easy for them to fool the Mughals? That was a rhetoric question if you are still wondering. Well they planned a ‘collaboration’ called the “East India Company”. Now a normal human without much of historical knowledge, like me, would think, if it says East then What the EPH were they doing in Maharashtra? But unfortunately, ‘smartasses’ like me were to be born now. Not to forget that these English rulers were capable of using this money out of centuries of stealing and day-light burglaries would be responsible for the tiny country to join the ‘First world’ nations, who would declare bankruptcy in as less as 60 years of giving us our independence.

Now that we have all matured and are able to sit down and talk like adults grown out of experience, education and history, it is time for us to talk to each other, solve our problems internally rather than fighting and waiting for Mother Nature to take her course. (Note the ‘Mother’ part of this entity again). But we rather behave like little kids, teasing each other with our tongues out and not expect the same in return. Why? Take for example, the Indo-Pak relations. Everyone says we should sit down and talk it out. Well and when is that going to happen? And who is going to talk? Which of us is actually worthy enough to take the correct responsibility? No it is our fault that we have a high demand in criteria before we decide who should be the one.

1. Should have great leadership skills.

2. Not be corrupt.

3. Should represent not only the rich but also some one below the poverty line.

4. Reservations from the Dalits, the SC/ST, Women (here we are again), the educated and uneducated as well.

5. Should not be corrupt (no I did not make a mistake, I am just repeating myself to stress the importance.

And many more I am sure, but the most important thing, did I mention non-corrupt?

Another example of the maturity at stake is the ‘Kohinoor’ diamond. When Mr. Cameroon visited India, everyone was expecting the diamond to be in a big velvet box delivered to the true owners. Are we really that naïve? The queen who is sitting back and holding the throne, who would not give it to her own son even at this age, would give us the Kohinoor? Geez..!!

We had all the wars and stuff, and influenced them the greedy human to create guns, revolvers, AK47s, tear gas, Laughing gas (must have been a failed sadistic stand-up comedian who came up with this I am sure), also the still largely used smoke and tear gas combined with the stinker (although the natural forms are regularly used in every house hold. Some people have actually said to have evolved to use this weapon at their whim and will rather than an inappropriate embarrassment factor), the apti bombs (now used during Diwali to entertain/ scare/ bully little kids), atom bombs and eventually through some other crappy failures the greatest disastrous Nuclear weapons. Destruction of countries, up to future generations are not enough to teach us a lesson about the actual effects of these God-Forsaken machines (The attackers must have been influenced by, ‘Main tumhe itna marunga ki tumhari agli saat pushte ganji paida hongi’. Little did they realise it was much worse than that). Rather than being scared of what monsters we have turned into with these inventions, we sit back, relax and revel basking in the our glory of how our weapons are better than yours. We should be ashamed of our existence as such beings rather than what we were supposed to be. If there is any, God must be definitely thinking of the human race to be the splinter, which ruined his big project and precursor to life on other planets. I am sure His boss is not impressed with this project and surely enough they would be deciding on pulling off the plug on us. I am not going to put up questions like when will we decide to grow up and be responsible citizens who live harmoniously, as even small societies in our localities are unable to do so. Why blame politicians? They are humans like us too. They don’t have a different specialist gene which makes them more sensible. And yea we are the ones which elect them don’t we? Well of course it is hard to decide during the rosy days that the thorns are stronger than the fragrance of the petals. And then the thorns take five more precious years.

Sometimes I think God is part Steven Speilberg and part Ekta Kapoor, for reasons easily comprehensible. He is enjoying this part of his act, but the end should be somewhere near if not 2012, and the evil here is us. So the happy ever after does not apply to us. All that we have to now realise is that His next production is not going to include humans. The Lord must be regretting letting Noah into his own ark…!!!

So the new universal truth is, “Greed is the mother of everything..!” Some stamina, huh??







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